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Transcription:How The Nerd Saved Christmas
Nerd's House *'Nerd:' (Wakes up from bed) Oh boy, oh boy, OH BOY!!! CHRISTMAS! YAY! (Hand springs sideways down the stiars) Jingle Bells, Mom's in Tears--(Finds the living room empty) What is going on? *'Nerd's Mother:' Everybody be cool, we've just been ROBBED!!! *'Nerd's Father:' Bastards even took the tree. What could the black market value on a rapidly browning Douglas fern possibly be? *'Nerd:' No...no presents?!? *'Nerd's Mother:' Oh, honey, it's totally fine. We're gonna have PRETEND CHRISTMAS! (Holds up an imaginary present) Open it! *'Nerd:' It's uh... *'Nerd's Mother:' It's just a G.I. Joe card version 2: Snake Eyes from 1985 with an AFA grade of 99. *'Nerd:' THIS GOT STOLEN?!? AARRRGH! (Runs out of the house) *'Nerd's Mother:' Sweetie, you didn't open your brand-original artwork from G.I. Joe #21, with signed certificate from CREATOR LARRY HAMA! *'Nerd:' AARRRGGGH!! (Crying) Why did this happen to me?!? Huh? (Suddenly, he sees a few citizens chanting a song and forming a circle) *'Dave:' Join us, friend. All our houses were robbed. *'Nerd: '''Thanks, but I don't wanna sing and feel better. *'Dave:' (Laughs) No, we're not singing to feel better. We're chanting to raise the Spirit of Vengeance from the depths of hell to seek out the motherfuckers who stole my children's iPads, and disembowel them with a giant flaming spear. *'Citizen #1:' You're in the wrong circle, Dave! The Chant for Vengeance circle is over THERE! (Another chanting circle is seen) *'Dave:' AW, DAMMIT!!! *'Nerd:' Wait a minute! The stolen presents, the singing rubes...I know this story! (Gasps) THAT MEANS THE THIEF SHOULD BE...(On Mt. Crumpet, the Grinch is seen riding a sleigh to the top) AH-HAH!!! Mt. Crumpet *'Nerd:' In hind sight, racing up this icy mountain in a onesy was a bad idea! Can't...go...on! (A thought bubble of Snake Eyes appears) Oh, Snake Eyes! You'll have some inspirational words for me!...(Snake Eyes says nothing)...Uh...kind of dropping the ball, Snake Eyes. (Another thought bubble of live-action Larry Hama appears) Wow, Larry Hama! *'Larry Hama:' You can do it! Believe in yourself! *'Nerd:' Not the most original words of inspiration I've ever heard. *'Larry Hama:' Look, kid. I used to write a comic book that was basically worth the news in a toy catalog. Now, if you want me to read some passages from my unfinished novel... *'Nerd:' No, thank you. (Continues climbing until he makes it to the top where the Grinch's sleigh is) GRINCH!! COME OUT OF THAT SLEIGH SO I CAN WHIP THE GREEN OFF YOUR BITCH ASS! It's easy to talk tough to a villain when his little bird was even bonier than your own. (The Grinch reveals himself to be the Jim Carrey Grinch) (Gasps) You're not the cartoon Grinch, you're the stupid-ass Jim Carrey Grinch! *'JC Grinch:' A Grinch is a Grinch, my little friend! And I'm afraid your precious presents are-- *'Nerd:' (Grabs JC Grinch by the coat) You took the best cartoon of all time, AND YOU PISSED IN IT'S MOUTH!! *'JC Grinch:' Hey, hey, hey, let's not get personal. *'Nerd:' You know what? Keep my stuff! I'm about to give myself the best Christmas present of all time! (Pushes the Grinch's sleigh) *'JC Grinch:' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo...! (Falls off the mountain with his sleigh, and crashes down below) *'Nerd:' MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NI--(Barking is heard) Oh my, Gosh! That little Stockholm's Syndrome dog! (Max hands him a G.I. Joe card of Snake Eyes) OH MY GOSH!!! (Sighs) These tooth marks are really gonna affect the AFA grading, though. Back in the Town *'Citizen #2:' (The citizens continue chanting their Spirit of Vengeance song) EVERYONE! Look what fell through my roof! The Christmas thief! (The JC Grinch is wounded, bloody and dead) *'Dave:' THE SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!!! (Everyone cheers)...Would the Spirit of Vengeance want us to rape it? *'Citizen #1:''' It IS Christmas. (Everyone cheers) Category:Transcriptions